between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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