Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize