my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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