ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
