apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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