just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize