WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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