my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've blown a few things in my day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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