Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize