Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
