Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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