M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
