I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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