I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
