she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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