ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
