nutella sex= disaster
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
