I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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