Sry I called you an 8
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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