he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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