I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
