a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize