can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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