She said her name was "party"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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