my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And then he peed in my hair
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