I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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