He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
