If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize