bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
