I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
