So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
