he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
