What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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