my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten