In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
