The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it