If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.