I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power