i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off