Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
