she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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