hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
