Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize