Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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