I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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