my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
