Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
