dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
