I could make wine with my vomit
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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