I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize