I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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