Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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