dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
