I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
