Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
