Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
