I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
