Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
