I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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