I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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