Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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