Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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