Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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