Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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