Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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