Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
