Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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