Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
